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Showing posts with label Christian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian. Show all posts

Monday, January 30, 2012

Reborn: Means having your Soul Rebuilt


Disclaimer:  My previous post was not meant to be a stab at Christianity or the Baptist church.  Both provided me with a foundation from which to spring into my spiritual journey and I would have been completely lost without having had these firmly beneath me in the first place.  In other words, they provided me the milk and honey I needed in the infancy of my spiritual journey so I could be ready for the meat of it.

Now on to the second discourse....

Over the course of five and a half years, I lived in Florence, OR; Ellensburg, WA; Hereford, AZ; Sierra Vista, AZ; and Crestview, FL.  Each move was costly and hurt my finances further.  While in Ellensburg, WA, I returned to college and changed my name from Frances to Cassia.

Why?

  • Reason #1:  My grandmother and I were both named Frances and shared the same last name (long story short, my mother was married four times and I wanted a stable last name).  The credit reporting agencies and even the medical record centers continuously got us mixed up.  I was hurting my grandmother's finances and they kept giving me store credit for senior citizens.  Not cool to treat someone like a thief when its your mistake to begin with.
  • Reason #2:  There is a Native American tradition among some tribes where when a person undergoes a rite of passage, or survives a natural event/disaster, or does something completely amazing, they would also change their name.  Why is this significant to me?  I am 1/32nd Native American.  The name of my tribe has been lost when the last of my Kentucky family members passed from this life.  Part of the tribe that was left was adopted into the Cherokee tribe, but our heritage has been mostly lost due to marriage outside the tribe.  In fact, I look more like my German heritage with my blonde hair and blue eyes, than Native American.  My grandmother is ~1/4th and she definitely has many of the characteristics from her Native American bloodline.  For me, reclaiming this tradition is reclaiming my heritage as a part of my spiritual journey - which I will go into more soon.
When I finally returned to Michigan, my focus was on my mother's health.  She was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and finally found a doctor who could treat it.  She would need weekly injections and oral medication for the next 11 months.  I came back to help her, get away from the ex-boyfriend, and start reclaiming who I am.  I learned how to administer her injections, made calls concerning her medical treatment and medications, and even represented her with her need for disability.  She couldn't see due to cataracts, so I also had to drive her to every appointment.  It was me who finally got an ophthalmologist to admit she was legally blind.  However, he wouldn't complete any paperwork in that regards because he wanted to simply perform a surgery to correct it.  She couldn't have the surgery to correct it without insurance and the ability to work to have insurance.  This was a big mess and her story to tell, so I will move on.

During this time I had a long distance relationship with another boyfriend who broke it off with me over the holidays and it threw me into a horrible depression.  I hadn't learned my lesson.  I was still changing myself too much to fit someone else.  I had surgery to remove a ganglion cyst shortly before this and still had the pain medication around, so I decided to take a bunch of them.  I came very close to overdosing one night and it was the latest ex-boyfriend's mother who talked me back from the edge of my despair.  She is still a very dear friend to me today.

Then, I reached out to a friend from junior high who lives in Grand Rapids.  We had kept in touch during my time out of state and my soul was starving!  She had become a Wiccan and was working with the Arthurian/Old Welsh tradition.  The Old Welsh tradition was based on the lore found in the Mabinogion.

And the preferred lore for the Arthurian portion was both the Mabinogion and Le Morte d'Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory.  (To the right is a statue of Arthur found in Innsbruck, Austria and to the left is Ceridwen, an enchantress from the Mabinogion.)

While staying the night at my friend's house, I had a dream where Guinevere came to me.  She would be my guide and thus began my immersion into the world of pagan tradition.  While the group of people I was with was in my age group and very open, still I didn't feel the sense of homecoming I've been looking for.  But, I had managed to open myself to Insight, Past Lives, Intuition, Astral Projection, and enhanced my natural psychic ability (yes, I can see, hear, and feel ghosts and other energetic beings).

I was beginning to piece together who I was and who I was meant to be.  My starving soul began to find nourishment it could be sustained on.  The opening of my mind, led to the opening of my heart and I once again "fell in love".  It started with a few letters exchanged back and forth with a man who claimed to be a pagan as well and was just coming out of ...prison.  But, once again, it wasn't meant to be (whew!).  It was, yet again, another long distance relationship that my clingy nature didn't nurture but choked out of existence.  That's when my pagan friend suggested I start reading some books on co-dependency.  I definitely fit the bill.  So I read every book she suggested and started going to a local group gathering once a month.

The group work was great!  After three months, I had switched my life around and became more independent instead of co-dependent.  I started using my head over my heart.  I still sucked at relationships and continued to go through boyfriends like they were toilet paper, but, hey, I gained a new confidence in myself which was very liberating.   Right?

So, for my next post (near Valentine's Day) I will post some of my past life experiences, including the time I met my Twin Flame on the Astral Plane and found out about a very interesting past life I shared with my Twin Flame.

Until then...Happy Reading!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Breaking Down to Build Back Up


The first thing I learned on my spiritual journey is that all my preconceptions, prejudices, and comfort zones were going to be challenged.  I grew up in an independent, fundamentalist Baptist church where I sang gospel music and hymns and was taught the Roman’s Road to lead others on the “true” path to heaven.  Even when I was 110% working in the church and following all their precepts and dogmas, I didn’t feel completely whole.  I felt like I was missing something.

Then, I started that fateful journey in March of 1998 and I realized a lot about myself.  I had days and nights of tears as I realized just how much I depended on my family and how I missed them.  I learned that I couldn’t put my trust in people I met online who I had thought were my faithful friends.  I realized the man I had an affair with wasn’t the love of my life, but I got stuck with him having no place else to go and feeling like I should always be with the first man I shared myself body and soul with.  For five and a half years, I gave him my loyalty, to realize we really weren’t meant for each other.  I had given up too much of myself to stay in that relationship and it was causing me physical, emotional, and spiritual distress.

It was a painful part of my journey where I had to be broken to be fixed.  Ever have a deviated septum?  Often the process to fix this is to break the cartilage again in order to reset the septum so it will heal in the correct place.  That was what had to happen to me.  I had to be broken in all the places that I deviated from my destined path in order to get me back on track.  Nothing could be more humbling than to be shown you don’t know everything about trust, love, and family, especially when you are 2,000 miles away from everyone and everything you grew up with and were familiar with. 

During this time of being broken, one of my favorite books to read was “The Tao of Pooh”.  Taoism helped me to categorize and filter everything going on inside of me.  This breaking down process was trying to get me back to Pu, or the “uncarved block”.  In “The Tao of Pooh”, Winnie the Pooh was portrayed as Pu as he was simple and untouched by society’s cutting tools.  This is the perfect state in Taoism.  The rest of Pooh’s friends were shown as various icons in society who are living in disillusionment.  Owl was the scholar who imagined himself the most intelligent of everyone around him even when he was completely wrong on a subject.  Rabbit was the control freak who got distressed whenever someone strayed from what he felt they should be doing.  And so on….

I like how Wikipedia puts it:  Taoism posits that people may gain knowledge of the universe by understanding themselves.”  I started to see what I was, what I became, and how some things were just not right about me.  Once the process started, I began to see how I wasn’t what I was meant to be.  Then I actively started to seek out what was right for me, dabbling in other things and seeing how they effected my life and either moved me forward or backward.

Next post will be around the first of February and I will discuss discovering co-dependency and how paganism affected my life.

Happy Reading!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Working all Night, or Hardly Working


Doesn't Custard look so worn out from all the hard work at the computer?

I decided to post my progression on the four big novels I've been trying to work on. So, I will post the total words I have typed up without editing for each today.

Prequel to Atlantean series;
Current working title, non-creatively, Before Atlantis;
Word count: 34,766

Atlantean series, Book Three;
No working title;
Word count: 21,840

Historical Christian Romance;
Current working title, From Night to Dawn;
Word count: 15,149 (this is actually going through a complete rewrite)

Paranormal Investigator novel;
No working title;
Word count: 11,088

I need to make some goals. Unfortunately, because I'm still a pen and paper type writer, I go very slowly. I first write on paper my scenes, then I type them into Word and edit as I go. I still have to edit when I'm done and I am not printing and reading as may be an easier method, so I miss things often and have to edit again.

Not only that, but the scenes I am typing may not be in that portion of the book when I'm done. I have a tendency to write a scene here and a scene there that really isn't making much sense for the overall timeline; its just what I feel inspired to write at that time. Eventually things do piece themselves together - or get thrown out.

Happy Reading!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Musings about Muses - Polyhymnia


I sat in church today, mulling over an article about music during writing as a topic, mostly reviewing my research about the muses. In Greek mythology, Polyhymnia was (or is) the muse of hymns. I sing hymns every Sunday morning when I attend church. I wondered about the Christian church and how it would view a Greek demigoddess as the source of their music. Then, I realized, she would be the source of all religious music regardless of religion because that was what a hymn was - the musical embodiment of faith.

Imagine. A Greek demigoddess just embodied a concept that crosses ancient belief structures that have been in contention for nearly as long as they existed. Well, mainly among a few, anyway. Every church, synagogue, temple, mosque, etc. that has any music of any form would have the spirit of Polyhymnia within their walls. I know Muslims don't necessarily have singing in their mosques, but I have heard the Call to Prayer before. The way it is intoned it vibrates similarly to song. Hindu, Native American, Pagan, and other religious faiths have some form of music involved in their worship. "Hymn" does not strictly apply to a book of songs one finds in a church. It is wherever musical vibrations are used to gain closeness, acceptance, even the attention of one's own chosen deity.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

A Partial Chapter in a Historical Christian Romance I started writing at 19

This is an excerpt of a historical, Christian romance I am re-writing. Let me know what you think and if I need to do anything to clean it up. Have I got your attention and desire to read more? Feedback from an audience would be very welcome.


Darkness had fallen and men moved along the forest shadows just outside the open grounds of a new farming settlement. The ground was still raw from the men who cleared it to make room for their little houses and long fields – soon to be planted with wheat and corn. Fifteen men watched the soft glow of the houses and stables, waiting for the fires to burn out or to be extinguished. Not long before this happened, a rider approached the settlement alone and stayed behind the stables so anyone moving from the house to the stables could not spy them. Many of the pairs of eyes gleamed with greed as they watched the beautiful white mare prance beside her rider after the small slip of a person slid down and quietly removed the tack from the animal. The hood of the cloak the rider wore slid off as the heavy fall of chestnut waves became too much for the material to contain. Several of the watchers began shifting restlessly.


A single man was on the far side of the settlement opposite the fifteen men and scouting for signs of just how many people can be expected inside the houses. He looked up when a woman led a white mare around the side of the stables, then gave it hand signals to stay while she quickly slipped inside the stables. The white mare obeyed and waited for her rider, passively. Muskogizek felt his heart jerk painfully in his chest. He knew that rider. Fear for the woman caused him to silently abandon his mission to get closer to that side of the stables. His eyes darted around for signs of a companion. He was about to move closer, but ducked down when the woman returned to coax the horse into the stables.


Muskogizek moved along the line of trees parallel to the stables, working his way toward the direction the woman rode in from. The signs confirmed she was traveling alone. But, why? It was too dangerous for a woman of her breeding to be traveling alone, especially with the war going on now between the British and the French. While the Great Lakes region was not directly affected, conflicts at the posts and the routing of British settlements, as well as the local animal threats, was enough to make travel dangerous for a lone woman.


He was so absorbed in the tale the signs were telling him, that he did not notice the woman return to a small camp she made behind the stables. He did notice when she made a small fire to heat a small pot of tea over. She was so well-versed in making a fire with so little smoke; no one at the settlement would have noticed someone camped behind their stables. However, the small light the fire gave off was noticed by fifteen pairs of eyes in the woods surrounding the settlement.


Muskogizek could see their shadows shifting through the trees as they grouped together to plan. He noticed they were changing their plans as they spread out again, focusing more on the lone woman than the settlement. They were not even going to wait for him to return from scouting. It became clear to Muskogizek what their intentions were and he vowed to God he would stop them or die trying.


Occasionally an owl or a snort from the nearby stables would break the silence, even the insects didn’t stir at this hour. That was when the young, orphaned British woman that slept so soundly under the stars was awakened by a stirring behind her in the woods. Wolves? No, couldn’t be, she would see glowing eyes blinking at her through the darkness. It must be men. Indians, maybe? As she tried to see through the darkness, her hand slipped under her bed roll and grasped at the cold metal of her father’s pistol. She shivered, brought the covers up around her shoulders more, and watched the shadows move from tree to tree. She sent up a prayer for courage and cocked the pistol.


She thought for sure she would be safer near a farming settlement than deeper into the woods. Abandoned the first night of her journey back to New York, she was determined to continue on. She couldn’t go back. There was nothing for her back there.


Tension fell upon the night as thick as the fast moving clouds. The British woman watched the clouds and wondered if it might storm tomorrow. As she contemplated over the weather, a large dark cloud covered the sky like a blanket. Under the protection of the additional darkness, the creatures in the woods became more bold and ventured closer to the British woman.


Muskogizek crouched with a long spear he fashioned from a nearby branch. In his other hand was a dagger given to him as a gift from a commanding officer at Fort Michilimachinaw. He waited for the men in the forest to make their move. Why they hesitated for so long, he couldn’t tell, but he was certain they knew she would resist or they wouldn’t wait for her to put out the fire and lay down on her bed room to sleep.


The darkness deepened and Muskogizek looked up to see the cloud cover blotted out any light from the stars. The shadows in the tree line started to move again. Muskogizek’s heart was racing and all of his muscles bunched in anticipation of the fight that would begin soon.


The first man to break into the clearing had a crooked nose. He was tall, muscled, but not hugely and had a shock of brown hair that continually fell into his eyes. The man’s eyes were wide with hunger and Muskogizek began to see red with the rage that overwhelmed him. Without being consciously aware he had made the decision, Muskogizek shot out quickly and silently from the tree line on an intercept course. Unfortunately, he was further away and didn’t leave quickly enough. The man had landed on top of the woman who screamed, inciting an owl to screech in protest. The scream was cut off by the man’s hand, while the other hand groped the woman, trying to pull her skirts up.


Muskogizek ran right up to the man and kicked him flat-footed in the face. The man’s head snapped back and a couple of teeth dropped out of his mouth as he rolled off the woman in a stupor. Two men came in from either direction at Muskogizek. He spun, flinging out the spear to hit the man to his right with the butt of his spear in his solar plexus, then the tip of the spear slicked across the cheek of the man to his left.


Four men took their place and hesitated when they realized they were attacking their own scout.


“You will not touch her,” he told them in French.


They shifted, then one elbowed his friend with a grin. “He wants her for himself,” he told his friend.


Muskogizek’s face was fierce, but he did not reply. The men chuckled. They began to walk non-aggressively toward the woman, lying in shock on the ground and panting while one of her hands felt blindly around her bed roll. “You will be last after what you did to Antonne, Paris, and Jean,” one of the men said.


Two of the men lunged at Muskogizek to hold him while the other two lunged at the woman who tired to claw at their faces. They laughed, batted her hands away, tore off her cloak, and pulled at the bodice of her dress until you could hear the material rendering. She kicked and bit at them while Muskogizek fought the men trying to disarm and hold him.


Muskogizek stopped watching what was happening to the woman for a moment and focused on the two men trying to hold him. He wrenched free from one man’s grip on his arm and threw the dagger into the other man’s boot. He went down with a scream while Muskogizek brought the heel of his now free hand up into the nose of the first man, breaking his nose.


The women let out a brief scream which was cut off at the sound of flesh hitting flesh. Muskogizek turned quickly to see the woman crumple at the feet of a man just withdrawing his fist from a blow. The woman’s dress was off completely, leaving her only in a chemise, corset and petticoats. With a roar, he rammed into the man who delivered the blow that rendered her unconscious, knocking them both to the ground so he was straddling the man’s chest and punching him repeatedly until the man stopped moving beneath him. Slowly, he stood, blood dripping from his knuckles, and turned to the man still holding the shredded remains of the woman’s dress. The man was looking around at all of his fallen companions, realization suddenly dawning on him at just how dire his circumstances were. His panicked gaze flew to Muskogizek who was stalking toward the man who lifted the torn dress before him as though it would act as a shield against the Indian. Muskogizek picked up the spear and sent it whirling through the air for a side blow to the temple, knocking the man down. Muskogizek jumped on the man’s back, putting the spear against the man’s trachea.


Muskogizek leaned in to the gasping man to put his lips close to his ear. “That was her favorite dress,” he growled and shifted his weight to deliver the killing thrust, but the spear was ripped from his hands.


He was grabbed from behind and dragged to his feet. A man better dressed than the rest stepped in front of Muskogizek. “You are under arrest for treason. We’ll take you back to the post for sentencing.” The man looked at the unconscious woman and demanded from the rest of his men, “Bring her.”


As men bent to pick her up, Muskogizek pulled free of the men holding him and pushed them away. He scooped the woman up into his arms and faced the men watching him. “Only I will touch her. She will stay confined with me and only I will attend to her.” Then, he began walking back to the horses tethered in the trees deeper in the woods. No one challenged him.


Please take note that this is my own work from my own imagination. All characters are purely fictional and any resemblance in any way to anyone is merely coincidental. Any copying and redistribution of this material will also fall within copyright infringement.